thorxndor:

since I’m 18 now I had to call the hospital myself to get test results and I was simply planning on saying that I had a blood test last week and if I could get the results back but when the woman answered I said “I want my blood back” and hung up the phone, so I’m never trying that again

If the signs were mythological creatures: Aries: Werewolf
Taurus: Hell hound
Gemini: Doppelgänger
Cancer: Banshee
Leo: Fairy
Virgo: Angel
Libra: Nymph
Scorpio: Siren
Sagittarius: Ghost
Capricorn: Mermaid
Aquarius: Vampire
Pisces: Shapeshifter
birchbox:

Paradise.

I love celebrity encounters. The best was in a hotel in London.

I was in the lobby and saw Lucy Liu. She’s, like, this tall. She looked up at me and saw a tag sticking out the back of my sweater. She reached up, tucked it in, and said, ‘Now you’re perfect.’

I would die on a battlefield for Lucy Liu.

Canadian novelist Douglas Coupland on dying for Lucy Liu. (via elementarystan)

One hears it a lot on airplanes: “Make sure you have your own mask on, before helping others with theirs.”

— Daniel Handler (Lemony Snicket), upon being asked "What’s your very best life advice?"  (via n-xi)

wo-nderland:

JAMES FRANCO POSTED THIS AND I CANT STOP LAUGHING OH MY GOD